With all the relentless reporting on the relentless flu outbreak all across the country, my wife and I have stepped up our efforts big-time to stay healthy regardless of what varied viruses are roaming the planet. We have always been God-fearing, hand-washing, Purell-using people. But even if you’ve managed to avoid sickness to-date you can’t avoid all the noise about it.
She and I thereby couldn’t be any more protected from any possible contagion.
And then…yesterday…I sneezed in my eye.
I can’t recreate for you or any sketch artists how I managed to wind up with my head, face and body in such a bizarre, contortionist position that somehow allowed me to pull this feat off. I can tell you at the moment I sneezed I was reaching for a book located beneath my seating level…and when I suddenly was overcome with the urge to blow I quickly, awkwardly turned my head away and up from the book itself. The elbow I normally would have sneezed into was already occupied elsewhere…with the book.
And in addition to sneezing into my own eye…I also managed to simultaneously spew upon my wife…innocently watching TV four feet away on our sofa.
I recently read particles from a sneeze can project at a rate well over 100 miles per hour, particulate landing as far as five feet away. I’m a believer now after yesterday’s explosion.
Especially because my eye felt sore.
I thought I dented my eyeball.
“You realize you just sneezed on me.”
“Yeah, well I sneezed in my eye.”
“I sneezed in my eye.”
“How could you possibly do that?”
“I was picking up my book and turned my head.”
“You just think you sneezed into your eye.”
“Really? It feels like I dented my eyeball.”
“You didn’t dent your eyeball.”
“Wait a minute. Can I infect myself by sneezing into my eye?”
“Think. If you had something wrong with you it would already be there…if you really, really think you sneezed into your eye.”
“Can you look at my eyeball?”
As of this morning both eye and eyeball are fine. The area is dry, no longer sore…and it appears I neither infected nor re-infected myself…or my significant other.
I do however have a new-found respect for the function known as the sneeze.
I will approach and view future ones…with a more careful eye.