My wife and I had our routine eye examinations last week. However, they turned out to be anything but routine.
Oh, our eyeglass prescriptions barely moved on the overall evaluation needle. No need to rush right out and get night goggles, move the sofa to touch against the television, etc. Medically, they were for the most part routine…for the most part.
I need to explain when we were before the doctor we were before the doctor at the same time. Earlier, we were in separate rooms as his assistants did the “prep work.” Once it was time for us to actually see the doctor see how well we could see…we were all in the same exam room.
He looked at my wife’s eyes, made a few general comments…all good. My turn.
He looked at my eyes, took a gander at the assistant notes, looked at my eyes again…and remarked I would likely need to “keep an eye” on my vision in the next couple of years as I may be getting to the point where bifocals would be beneficial.
I wanted to get used to a new pair of bifocals about as much as I would putting contacts in my eyes with chili pepper smeared all over them. I only ever wear my glasses to drive at night. I never wear them during the day, to read, etc. I often forget I have glasses…but I can certainly FIND them.
So, I quickly reassured the good doctor nothing had changed in regard to my extremely light use of glasses in general and all would be well…but suddenly out of nowhere my wife volunteers, “You did say the ESPN ticker across the bottom of the TV screen was hard for you to read.”
This live hand grenade was unexpected. It was true…but the last thing I saw coming was my wife trying to send me into a new learning curve for sight.
I tried to downplay that broadside by mumbling something to the effect that was “just in certain instances.” The doctor said fine, but at some point I might not be able to read prescription bottles without actually holding them farther away…even though my current glasses are for distance.
My wife then pulled the pin and rolled a second grenade across the exam room. “You did say you had problems reading the fine print on those bottles.”
Again, true. However, the honesty she was dishing out was not timely. I had no desire to relearn how to use my eyes.
She saw it as being helpful. I saw it as testifying against one’s spouse.
Needless to say, our conversation post-exam was “eye to eye.” I knew she was concerned for my overall vision health and meant well, but I was hoping we could keep the gory details of a couple isolated instances from being overblown into converting me into a world of temporary blindness, headaches, etc. while adjusting to a world viewed through bifocals.
And admittedly…bifocals sounded so damn “old” to me. It was a Friday and I didn’t want to feel “old.” Monday is a day that is more acceptable to feel “old.” Fridays, not so much.
Then again, it wouldn’t matter if the exam was on a Monday…or any other day for that matter. I can clearly see I don’t want to see any other way. That’s not my wife’s view.