This site is designed for upbeat, clear-headed, wink-filled, fun-loving rants about life.
However, life has its not-so-fun moments to rant about also. It is sometimes downbeat, confusing, tear-filled and can be flat-out cruel.
In my blogging travels I see a lot of very personal posts discussing the not-so-wonderful aspects of life. People open up and write emotionally about any and all aspects of lives gone astray. I respect these folks immensely for trusting their audience to find something to learn, to take…from whatever rough patches they are going through, regardless of the subject matter and circumstances discussed.
I was moved to write this post – I guess – after seeing one too many “Hallmark Father’s Day” commercials. I am sufficiently motivated to share a not-so-fun moment of my own. I really don’t know if there is anything to learn or take from it. Please decide for yourself.
Working backwards if you will, not that long ago I found out about my father’s death by reading an obituary one night in a local newspaper. In addition to all my Internet and Twitter reads, I also digest four newspapers a day. This was just another night…at the end of another day…paper reading time set aside. Except of course…for the fact this night I had a paper in my hand reporting my father had died.
I am an only child. My parents divorced when I was 16. The decision left me with my mother…and it was my preferred choice based on the downward spiral of events that led to their inevitable split.
I never saw him again after the divorce. I never heard from him again after the divorce.
The obituary didn’t list me as existing.
In my 20’s and 30’s, our mutual ignorance of each other’s existence was of little concern to me. I had my hands full with being a young man and earning a living. I rarely stopped to wonder why he never stayed in touch with me. I rarely thought of initiating a reunion either.
As time passed and I approached my 40’s…and now into my early 50’s…it began to occur to me more and more if neither one of us moved off our respective “positions”
one of us would take leave of this world and talk of talking would be irrelevant.
I was at this point in life truly amazed he never, ever had reached out to me. I thought – I assumed – he would “go first.” Had he done so, I already had decided I would be receptive and welcoming. Having reached middle age, I am now wise enough to know to be only concerned with moving forward…and not looking backward. I am also wise enough now to know sometimes people just aren’t meant to stay together forever. Divorce happens.
And then it came to pass…he did “go first”…he passed. And I was reading it in an obituary that didn’t even mention he had a son.
Being a religious man, I am confident our reunion will still take place. Perhaps it was always meant to be held in THAT location…in THAT time. Maybe all of this is for the best.
This Father’s Day, I won’t be able to give him a card. However, he will get something from me which no card can convey…my thoughts and prayers…and an open invitation to get together soon.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad. See you soon. Promise.